"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
