Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
