my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
