watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
