I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
