I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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