you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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