They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
