Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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