and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
