i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
