ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
