Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
