Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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