I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
