I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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