like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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