she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
