thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
