She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
