ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
