I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
