Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
