i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
