How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
