there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
