Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
