i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
