so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
God, I missed his penis.
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