I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
