I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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