Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sex in a hospital.. check
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize