I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
