hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
