Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want to make out with him forever
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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