Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
