i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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