My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
