end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
