I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
