The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
