there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
