im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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