I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
