We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
