I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you made out with another girl for some wings
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
