You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
