ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im part way to drunk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
