I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
