Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize