Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
