hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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