I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
