I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
