the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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