She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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