you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
