So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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