Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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