i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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