So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
