If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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