I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
YAS. BRING CRAB.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
