I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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