i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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