i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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