Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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