the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
