it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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