I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
