My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
